Thursday, May 27, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
This week Eli is off at his Nana and Papa's house spending some quality time and I have had a lot of time (TOO much time) to reflect on where I'm at as a wife and a mother. It has been such a sweet week with Anna but the stillness in the house is obvious without my E-bug jumping around (the kid DOES not know how to walk anywhere). In the stillness I can hear my thoughts and actually take some time to wrestle through them. Here are some deep thoughts I've had this week:
The week started with thoughts like this:
*I NEED a haircut ... made an appointment with an old friend Julie Schwartz down the street at Salon Lofts for next week!
*I NEED a workout plan...I am signed up for a mini triathalon in August. I'm not sure, but I think you need to train for that.
*I NEED to get at least 1 house project done...meaning I need to arm wrestle my husband into getting our closet system up.
Then, my thoughts started getting deeper and my checklist started getting smaller...
*I don't miss getting things done nearly as much as I thought! With Eli around I don't feel like I have time (or energy) to plan ahead so I have become what I never thought possible...a more organic person. Someone who isn't planned but someone who just naturally evolves, going where the wind blows me. With him gone I feel like I have to hunker down and get stuff done and I don't do it very well anymore!! I used to pride myself on making checklists and checking them off. Not only is it hard to do now, but I DON'T MISS IT. I don't miss the constant buzz, I don't miss the nervousness of NOT getting everything done, and I don't miss alienating everyone and everything that gets in my way. I am NOT saying that I don't still do this (I hear my husband laughing right now) but motherhood has definitely taught me to "take a chill pill".
*I don't like being alone, but it's good every once in awhile. Being alone forces me to think and thinking forces me to reflect. I start by thinking about what I'm doing wrong, what expectations I'm not fulfilling, and how I don't even know what I desire anymore. I am able to go back to the drawing board and reconnect with my Lord, myself and my husband, BUT it is hard and almost as exhausting as having my 2 3/4 year old around. Having Eli help bring me back to the surface will be welcome!
*One thing I realized which was both good and depressing is that there is no fairy tale life. I used to think that once I married Todd then my life would be perfect. Then I thought once I had success in my career then my life would be perfect. Then I thought once I had a beautiful home then my life would be perfect. Then I thought once I had kids then my life would be perfect. Then I thought once I can stay home with my kids then my life would be perfect. Now I am thinking once my kids are in school then my life would be perfect : ) Then it dawned on me, NO life is perfect this side of heaven. Of course we get glimpses of it ALL of the time and for that I am thankful! My life WAS the closest I could get to perfect the moment my husband said he would cherish me forever in front of God and our friends and family. My life was the closest to perfect when I had a student tell me that they enjoyed waking up in the morning looking forward to my class. My life was the closest to perfect the moment I birthed each of my children. My life was the closest to perfect each time my children giggled. My life was the closest to perfect when regardless of how I look and how I act my husband tells me I am the most beautiful woman in the world. It is moments like that, that I desire and I get to have them DESPITE of what I do. So, rather than thinking about what I don't have I have been thankful this week for ALL that I have been given.
****So, YES I loved having a single child to take care of this week. However, I truly don't miss "getting stuff done" as much as I thought. I have enjoyed getting back to the heart of who I am as person... can't wait to see you tomorrow E-bug!
Posted by Leah Warren at 10:40 AM
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Man, they keep on rolling.... ( I LOVE this age...remind me I said that tomorrow)
*Eli's responses to my requests/?'s usually are greeted with a 'NO' as the auto pilot response. Lately he has become a little bit more creative and started using 'Maybe' and 'I don't think so'. i.e. Todd: "Eli, did you poop in your diaper?" Eli "I don't think so".
*Whenever we drive by a construction site he asks, "what happened?". The street that my mom's house is off of is building a CVS on the corner and it's been in the making for awhile : ) I've been trying to use actual names for things since his vocabulary is multiplying like crazy so I told him they were building a "pharmacy". He thought about that for a second and said "for pigs and sheep?" I realized all he heard was 'farm' and said, "Oh, no not like a farm. It's where they sell medicine for people when they are sick." Eli then had an 'Aha' moment and said "Pharmacy...where sheep, pigs and Daddy get medicine." Whatever.
*When playing outside at Grandmas house we used a lot of sports equipment, ect. At dinner time I asked him to "clean up" and went back inside for something. When I cam back out he was sweeping her brick patio : )
* One morning Eli was playing in his room and I hear him shout "I NEED JESUS". I quickly ran up there to see if he was having a spiritual experience or was in real trouble but realized he mean he was looking for his "Jesus" action figure.
*We were driving down the road and saw a flat bed carrying PORTA Potties. Eli asked what they were and I explained that they were potties that went in the grass when places didn't have restrooms. He thought about it and then said "Nooooooooooooooo" (Like I was pulling his leg....)
*Eli discovered one of my old Barbies I put up in the playroom and held her by her hair and said, "I don't want this." When his Grandad said that he would take it with him downstairs after he put Eli to bed Eli said, "No...I want it downstairs NOW." (So much for sharing his playroom with his sister)
*When my parents were over for Mothers' Day we asked Eli what he did at church that morning. He said, "I played with 'dirty men' ". After my mom asked, "What kind of church do you go to again?' we finally realized that what he was saying was that he played in the dirt with little people. (Why? I still don't know but it is better than the latter)
*The teasing of his sister has begun...he has started to point to her and saying, "Anna you're a boy". : ( Poor girl has no clue that he's being mean to her and give him a drooly toothless grin.
*When I greeted him from his nap today he said "Mom, look this is how I go poop" and then faked it by clinching his butt and grunting...awesome.
*On our way out the door this afternoon he was putting on his shoes and I heard, "NO feet...don't do that." He was putting his shoes on the wrong feet. (Of course it is NEVER his fault)
Posted by Leah Warren at 10:31 PM