Wednesday, September 19, 2012

We are growing...

...our family, but not in the traditional sense.   The Warren family is planning on growing through adoption from the state of Texas.   Yes, we are planning to "foster to adopt".   I want to answer some big questions that you may or may not have.

1) Why?  (or as my father in law put it fantastically...'you guys are out of your friggin minds' : ) We loved him so much in that moment for being honest.)   

- It starts out quite simply.   Ever since Anna ( and the miscarriage) I have not felt "done" with our family.   I felt like we were missing someone.  Todd felt "done", like he didn't want to grow our family but he always added, "If we were to have another child, I want to adopt".   Yep, he said it first.   So over a year later after grieving our loss of a third child, and praying through why I wanted another one we continued our discussion.   We were at the same crossroads: Leah: "I want to grow our family"... Todd: "I don't want to, but if we do I want to adopt".   I started to focus on his BUT : )  (Get your head out of the gutter...) I continued to pray about it and so did he..."God please change one of our hearts so we are on the same page!".   Well he put us on the same page, but def. not the page I was looking for.  I thought we would either biologically have a third, or say "done!".  

I always applauded people that could adopt or foster parent, but never thought I was capable.  I'm still not!  I am, however, completely trusting in the one who has said over and over to me this past summer, "I am capable".  (That's Jesus, of course.) Even when the thoughts started entering my head I would try to swat them away with reasons why it's not a good fit for our family.  Todd doesn't like chaos, I like to be in control, what about our 2 biological kids, who's going to help me when I go crazy, financially it won't work, will I never sleep again, what if the damage that has been done to this child will make my life hard for 18+ years, what will our extended family think, what will our friends think, I am not capable.  
 One way God showed me truth was: "What do you mean how will your extended family take this?!?   Look at these 2 precious nephews, and 2 beautiful sister-in-laws that I have that are...adopted!  Your family loves these kids.  That was one of the crazy questions that didn't take long for me to look foolish : )  My sister, sister-in-law, and mother-in-law that have gone before me will be a HUGE support system as well!  






 

I am NOT saying that everyone should do this and if you don't you should feel guilty.   I put it in the same category of ministry, being a doctor, being a teacher, being a mother, and plenty of other things... you have to be called to do it or you are going to be joyless and bitter while doing it.  Again, everything came down to "I am not capable", or was rooted in fear, selfishness or trying to please others.




2) How do I know I am "called" to do it?   

-I not only sought out Jesus in this decision through prayer, but had conversations with my husband that reconciled that the same was going on to him.   You find books that lead you to think about it, you find blogs that make you think about it, you meet random people in line that make you think about it, you hear sermons about it, you hear songs about it (can you say HOME by Philip Phillips?), you overhear conversations about it...ITS EVERYWHERE.  It's like you can't turn it off.   When I shared our 'why' to the foster agency last night he laughed and gave me a perfect analogy.  He said, "Its like the story of Jonah.  He's asking you to do something uncomfortable and no matter how hard you try to escape it God finds you. "   Yep, that sums it up, and before I get swallowed up by a whale I am going to trust him.  I can honestly say I did not seek this out.   It sought us out.

3) So what now?   

-We have a series of 8 classes that we have to take to train us on how to become a foster parent.  These are required by the state, and most states are the same.  We have decided that instead of working directly with the state we are going to work with an agency...Covenant Kids.  I typically like to stay out of a Christian bubble, but for something like this I need someone who has the same belief system I do and I am soooooo thankful that there is an agency here like that.  Covenant Kids will teach our classes (each one is 3-8 hours long!) and supposedly there is paper work a mile long (I thought the application was bad, but apparantly that is just a drop in the bucket).  Once we are done with those classes (they say on average it take 3 months) we will be put on a list to accept foster kids.   Supposedly the wider the window we give them, the faster the calls will come in.   As of right now we want this child to be younger than Anna and other than some extreme disabilities we are willing to take either sex and any race.  So this child will be our youngest child.  They also tell us that for parents that want to adopt it could take up to 3 years : ( One thing I remind myself is that at least I will be there for the "in between" for our child's life.  While they won't technically be ours, we are the ones that have cared for, nurtured and made memories with this child.  Yes, I know I will potentially have to give children back that I've mothered but as they explained to us last night, I have to go into this with a fostering ministry/mentality.   As a foster parent I am not only to care for this child to the best of my abilities but pray that they are restored to their families!  That's going to be a tough prayer at times, but ultimately that is a GOOD thing for the child if their parents begin to fight for them and do what they need to be parents again.  I should celebrate for that child, still grieve losing them, but celebrating for them.  (Yep, that's gonna suck.)    

I plan on blogging throughout this process not only because they strongly encouraged us to keep our friends and family in the loop (God knows I need the support system to encourage me through this) but I want our 3rd child to know that they were thought of and prayed for often just like Anna and Eli were.  I will update what we learned in our fist class in a few days, but didn't want to write an essay for my first blog entry (oops, already did).     


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